Picture it: Christmas 2004. I had just finished my 3rd semester at BYU-Idaho and I was home for the break. Now, that semester didn’t go too well. First of all, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I was just going to school. And school? Well, let’s just say I may have failed some of my classes that previous semester. I felt very lost and alone. In high school I had just started to develop my talents with music, singing and playing the piano. But then I got to BYU-Idaho and realized that 99.9% of the women’s population could do those things too. And they were much better than I! In a sense, I was struggling to adjust to the overwhelming feeling of simply not being enough in whatever I was trying to do or that I would never measure up.
My mom must have realized this with the sixth sense that all mothers have because she bought me this book for Christmas, “No One Can Take Your Place.” I remember sitting there on Christmas night and looking at this book and reading its title half-heartedly. I remember not really believing that statement because I felt there would always be someone better to fill my spot (whatever that “spot” may be). I don’t remember when I opened the book but as I was searching through the chapters, I turned to the last and title chapter of the book.
She says, “For too many years I had felt that I wasn’t talented enough, thin enough, smart enough, cute enough, or basically anything enough to amount to much.” When I read that, I knew exactly how she felt because that was what I was feeling in that exact moment! She goes on to say,“Suffice it to say that when I stepped foot on the BYU campus as a young freshman in the fall of 1971, I must have been the most shy, least accomplished coed on campus. My clothes weren’t right. I was desperately homesick. My lack of social skills, combined with my shyness, was deadly on a college campus. Although my goal had always been to get a university degree, I didn’t have any idea what I wanted to be or do.” Again, another moment when I thought Sheri Dew might have read my personal journal had I been keeping one!
She talks about growing up playing basketball and experienced some success. She wanted the opportunity to play basketball at BYU. She found out when and where the tryouts would be and she showed up at the gym to tryout. But when she opened the door and saw all of the girls practicing and warming up, she was stopped in her tracks. They looked good! She says, “Suddenly, every insecure cell in my body began to scream, ‘What are you thinking? You aren’t good enough to play ball here! You can’t compete with these girls! What has gotten into your head?’” She shut the door and decided to give herself a few moments to get the courage to go inside. She tried to muster courage for 3 hours outside of that gym until finally the tryouts were over and she had never stepped foot inside that gym. She walked home discouraged and disgusted with herself. The failure of not even trying has nagged at her for 30+ plus and she can’t watch a women’s collegiate basketball game and wonder what might have been.
She told that story when she was invited to speak to a group of female athletes at BYU in 2001. She says:
“I wanted those young athletes to believe it when I told them how much I admired and respected what they had already accomplished in their lives. When I had concluded, BYU’s storied women athletic director, Dr. Elaine Michaelis, went to the podium and in front of the audience asked, ‘Sheri, is that story about you being too shy to try out for the 1971 basketball team really true?’ ‘Yes,’ I responded.
“‘Did you know that I was the coach of the 1971 BYU women’s basketball team?’ she continued. ‘Yes,’ I answered, adding that through all of these years her name had been emblazoned in my mind, and I had followed with great interest the very successful basketball and volleyball teams she had coached.
My mom must have realized this with the sixth sense that all mothers have because she bought me this book for Christmas, “No One Can Take Your Place.” I remember sitting there on Christmas night and looking at this book and reading its title half-heartedly. I remember not really believing that statement because I felt there would always be someone better to fill my spot (whatever that “spot” may be). I don’t remember when I opened the book but as I was searching through the chapters, I turned to the last and title chapter of the book.
She says, “For too many years I had felt that I wasn’t talented enough, thin enough, smart enough, cute enough, or basically anything enough to amount to much.” When I read that, I knew exactly how she felt because that was what I was feeling in that exact moment! She goes on to say,“Suffice it to say that when I stepped foot on the BYU campus as a young freshman in the fall of 1971, I must have been the most shy, least accomplished coed on campus. My clothes weren’t right. I was desperately homesick. My lack of social skills, combined with my shyness, was deadly on a college campus. Although my goal had always been to get a university degree, I didn’t have any idea what I wanted to be or do.” Again, another moment when I thought Sheri Dew might have read my personal journal had I been keeping one!
She talks about growing up playing basketball and experienced some success. She wanted the opportunity to play basketball at BYU. She found out when and where the tryouts would be and she showed up at the gym to tryout. But when she opened the door and saw all of the girls practicing and warming up, she was stopped in her tracks. They looked good! She says, “Suddenly, every insecure cell in my body began to scream, ‘What are you thinking? You aren’t good enough to play ball here! You can’t compete with these girls! What has gotten into your head?’” She shut the door and decided to give herself a few moments to get the courage to go inside. She tried to muster courage for 3 hours outside of that gym until finally the tryouts were over and she had never stepped foot inside that gym. She walked home discouraged and disgusted with herself. The failure of not even trying has nagged at her for 30+ plus and she can’t watch a women’s collegiate basketball game and wonder what might have been.
She told that story when she was invited to speak to a group of female athletes at BYU in 2001. She says:
“I wanted those young athletes to believe it when I told them how much I admired and respected what they had already accomplished in their lives. When I had concluded, BYU’s storied women athletic director, Dr. Elaine Michaelis, went to the podium and in front of the audience asked, ‘Sheri, is that story about you being too shy to try out for the 1971 basketball team really true?’ ‘Yes,’ I responded.
“‘Did you know that I was the coach of the 1971 BYU women’s basketball team?’ she continued. ‘Yes,’ I answered, adding that through all of these years her name had been emblazoned in my mind, and I had followed with great interest the very successful basketball and volleyball teams she had coached.
“‘Would you like to know something interesting about my 1971 basketball team?’ She went on. I nodded that I would.‘In all my years of coaching, it is the onlyyear I was not able to fill my roster, and we played that season one player short. All season I kept searching for one more girl to fill out our team, but I could never find her.’
“Ugh! When she said those words, it felt as though she had sucker punched me. I couldn’t believe it was true, but Elaine later assured me that it was. She had looked all season long for another player to add to her roster, but she had never been able to find that one particular ballplayer.
“All the way home I stewed about what she had said. And frankly, I’ve thought and pondered the matter a great deal since then. Though I suppose I won’t know this definitively until I step across the veil and understand many things more clearly, I have a suspicion about all of this. I have the feeling that that spot on that team was mine. But because I didn’t even have the courage to step forward and try, it didn’t get filled.
“For the sake of discussion, let’s just assume that that spot could have been mine. Think of the experiences I missed out on by not participating on the team that year. And if I was half as good as I remember myself being, perhaps I could have helped the team. Maybe I could have made a difference. But we’ll never know, because I didn’t have the self-confidence to even try.
“Here’s the principle that my sorry brush with the 1971 BYU’s women’s basketball team has taught me: No one can take your place.
“Oh sure, we have all let others down and watched someone else step in to fill the gap, and we’ve all at times helped fill the gap when others have let us down. So, yes, it’s possible to fill in for someone. But it’s not possible to take their place. Not now, not ever.
“No one can take your place in your family or with your friends. No one can take your place in your ward or your extended family, in your neighborhood or at the company where you work. No one can have the influence you have been prepared to have on all who come within your sphere of influence. Without question, no one can fulfill your foreordained mission. No one can do what you were sent here to do. No one” (Sheri L. Dew, No One Can Take Your Place, 2004, p. 197-199).
“Ugh! When she said those words, it felt as though she had sucker punched me. I couldn’t believe it was true, but Elaine later assured me that it was. She had looked all season long for another player to add to her roster, but she had never been able to find that one particular ballplayer.
“All the way home I stewed about what she had said. And frankly, I’ve thought and pondered the matter a great deal since then. Though I suppose I won’t know this definitively until I step across the veil and understand many things more clearly, I have a suspicion about all of this. I have the feeling that that spot on that team was mine. But because I didn’t even have the courage to step forward and try, it didn’t get filled.
“For the sake of discussion, let’s just assume that that spot could have been mine. Think of the experiences I missed out on by not participating on the team that year. And if I was half as good as I remember myself being, perhaps I could have helped the team. Maybe I could have made a difference. But we’ll never know, because I didn’t have the self-confidence to even try.
“Here’s the principle that my sorry brush with the 1971 BYU’s women’s basketball team has taught me: No one can take your place.
“Oh sure, we have all let others down and watched someone else step in to fill the gap, and we’ve all at times helped fill the gap when others have let us down. So, yes, it’s possible to fill in for someone. But it’s not possible to take their place. Not now, not ever.
“No one can take your place in your family or with your friends. No one can take your place in your ward or your extended family, in your neighborhood or at the company where you work. No one can have the influence you have been prepared to have on all who come within your sphere of influence. Without question, no one can fulfill your foreordained mission. No one can do what you were sent here to do. No one” (Sheri L. Dew, No One Can Take Your Place, 2004, p. 197-199).
I want to leave my testimony with you. I know that your Heavenly Father and Savior love you VERY much. If we spent our entire lives studying that Divine love that brought about the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we would never fully comprehend it. But to feel or sense even a glimpse of that love is life-changing. I believe that if the Savior was on the earth today, he would spend time with each of us individually. He would hug us and wipe away our tears as he assured us that we are enough. We aren’t perfect, no. But we are enough. We know enough to share the gospel, to bear our testimonies no matter how small they may be. We have enough resources to help each other, serve each other and love one another because we have two arms to lift one another and two shoulders to help bear each other’s burdens. We are worthy enough to partake of the mercy and grace of the Atonement of Jesus Christ because all it takes a broken heart and contrite spirit to be worthy. We are beautiful enough, especially when we live with the gospel in our lives and a smile on our faces. Each of you have been blessed with divine talents and gifts. But we must rise up, put on the armor of God and go forth with full purpose of heart to accomplish the mission that we were sent here to accomplish. Because we are enough and no one can take our place.
Thanks for sharing that experience! As woman I think we all have the tendency to think we're not good enough because we don't fit the typical cookie cutter mold. Thankfully, I've noticed that once I forgot about that cookie cutter personality I've become a lot happier! There's a quote by Judy Garland that I love- "It's better to be a first rate version of yourself, rather than a second rate version of someone else." I love your guts!
ReplyDeleteI love that quote! It's one of my favorites! I agree. I think we are so hard on ourselves and we are so easily discouraged. But we have to rememeber our divine roles in Heavenly Father's kingdom.
ReplyDeleteI miss and love your guts!